*B Movie Monday* Jurassic Shark

 

Welcome to another installment of B Movie Monday, where I watch a low budget film and tell you all about it. These posts will contain spoilers, so if you think you might want to watch the movie without knowing what happens, quit reading now. 

This week's featured movie is Jurassic Shark because I thought the title was punny. 

Genre: Horror

Watched on: Vudu

Duration: 1 hour 15 minutes

Originally aired: August 14, 2013

Directed by: Brett Kelly

Starring: Emanuelle Carriere, Christine Emes and Celine Filion

Please see IMDb for full cast and crew information.

Synopsis

When an oil company unwittingly unleashes a prehistoric shark from it's icy prison, the Jurassic killer maroons a team of art thieves and a group of beautiful young college students on an abandoned piece of land. The two opposing groups are forced to do what they can to survive or become food for the not-quite-extinct shark!

Review

This movie starts out alternating between two girls in bikinis on the beach of a seemingly deserted island and scientists in a facility that is also apparently on this island. One of the girls is trying to convince the other to join her in the water because there aren't sharks in freshwater and she finally succeeds. The scientists are being warned that they're drilling too deep, something's going to go wrong. There's a tremor that seems to be an earthquake, and then both girls are in the water having a splash fight and giggling and wondering further and further away from the shore. That's when it strikes the first time, getting a taste of human flesh. 

After the credits we cut to a group of thieves, and you know they're the bad guys because they're all wearing all black, loading up a painting that they stole onto a rowboat to go to the island. They make it part of the way there before the big fuck off shark capsizes their boat. Most of them manage to swim to the island, but obviously the painting is at the bottom of the inlet (or whatever the hell the island is in the middle of). We also see a group of college kids heading out in another rowboat. One of them is investigating the research center on the island or something (I'm not really sure as I hadn't turned the volume on my tv up yet at this point so I could hear what everyone was saying), and two of them are just there for the sand a sun, and they were brought along because one owns the car and the other paid for the rowboat with her credit card. The dude with them is apparently in love with investigator girl. Their boat is also capsized, and Mike doesn't make it. Investigator girl washes up on shore unconscious, but dry. 

The college chicks run into the thieves and they kind of team up for the night. The next day they find the research center and it's been abandoned. But wait, one of the scientists is unconscious by the shore out back, in a blood covered lab coat! We discover that the shark has disabled all of the boats and there is absolutely no way off this island. But like, we gotta' get the painting back first right. Everyone not wearing all black is taken hostage, and the scientist is forced out into the water by threat of killing one of the girls. He becomes tapas in pretty quick order before he's even like knee deep in the water. The girls run off then because the bad dudes are enthralled by the shark. 

After a chase the chicks are captured and forced out into the water to retrieve the painting while one of the thieves scares the shark away with the dynamite that just happens to be on the island. At one point they manage to knock one of the thieves out with a big rock and get his gun. There was a slow motion fight scene about waist deep that ended in death, and the shark jumps over the two remaining girls on land, to chow down on the last thief left (who is also on land). That's when the girls realize they're going to have to kill this shark, because it's only a matter of time before it heads to one of the more populated beaches nearby. One of them goes out in the water as bait, and even though the shark has taken half its victims from below, they know that this time ducking under water at just the right moment will allow the other to throw dynamite right in the sharks mouth, killing it. Obviously they succeed. 

The CGI for the shark in this movie was so bad. I hope whoever did this CGI had like never done anything like this before and this is how they cut their teeth on it, because it was not even a little bit good. The sound was also a problem. The voices maintained a steady volume throughout, but I had to turn my tv volume up over 50 to really hear them. And when they were walking through the woods, their footsteps in the leaves was louder than anything they were saying. And how does a 200 million year old shark know that it needs to disable boats to trap prey on land?

All that being said, I would watch this again. Not in the near future, but this was one of those movies that was so bad it's almost good. The plot is ridiculous, but the acting was at least mediocre and the script wasn't awful. And there was only one point where I thought it had the potential to turn into a porno. So I'd watch it again to laugh at the ridiculous plot. - Katie 

Favorite Quote

"We drilled too deep! Unleashed a predator we haven't seen in 200 million years!"

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